I sought the Lord, He heard me & delivered me from my fears
Since Wednesday, I have had this feeling of loneliness, fatigue and invulnerability in me. I feared the worse - of sinking into melancholy and despondency, perhaps even loosing my varocious appetite and thoughts of suicide.
Then came Thursday, birthday treat for Ailing and Jovi. A wholesome dinner at the Manhattan's Fish Market followed by the movie - XMen: The Last Stand. This was when all the complications and mixed feelings inside me began, resulting in a whole misunderstanding on Friday.
Oh yes, Friday was CCN Day, this is the first time I bothered to look around, but I was not in the mood to enjoy the food, games and merchandise galore, was to pre - occupied with my thoughts. Then there was the SA interview which we sift out the cream of the crop.
Towards the end, where everyone was relaxing, I shared some of my thoughts to a friend and caused a big misunderstanding, in the end, under tremendous stress, hurt and pain, I broke down.
However, my thanks, appreciation and gratitude to the following people:
Tian - Thanks your advice and listening to my problems
Li Ping - Thank you for sharing your testimony and your ever - encouraging personality
Alex - Thanks for your patience in hearing me out
That night, I bought some food for a lonely dinner at home and some time for reflection.
I prayed and cried out to God in spiritual songs, His love and mercies so strong, it transcended through me, bringing me to my knees. Finally, I decided that I was going to come clean with everything.
I hesitated a little, but after lunch I mustered up the courage for a heart - to heart talk with Jovi. Confessing my feelings for her, which was the cause of my unpleasant attitude I projected to her all this while.
I thank you for taking the time off to listen to me rattling off. All this while, I never understood you. I thought you were being cold towards me, that you were taking me for granted and using me. Never did I know that probably, it was just the way I carried myself.
Now I understand, I am also glad that we handled this issue like mature adults. I respect your decision. Perhaps we are really not meant for each other.
Whatever it is, I hope that our friendship would continue to blossom and you will be my Vice President and confidante. That's all I ask.
I can't believe it. Although we are not together, I have the same happiness as though I've been accepted, I guess its just your maturity and street smart personality that overwhelms me. Anyway, I came clear with a big dark secret and I feel free as a dove.
Last night, went for dinner and window shopping with Mr. Neo and helped look after his kids. I really wished I could live such an innocent and carefree life like them.
Well got to go now, till next time.
Loneliness, sickness, depression
Well, the usual updates about life again.
Spent a lonely evening last Wednesday watching Poseidon at Tampines Mall, after having a minor dispute with a friend and in the process ruining someone's birthday night - out.
Anyhow, I am just glad that the whole thing has been resolved. (The parties involved, let's not mention anything)
Then Singapore Junior Chef Club committee meeting on Friday, and after which a delicious supper of carrot cake, oyster omelette and beer at Tiong Bahru Market...hmm...rather sinful.
I fell terribly ill on Sunday. Came down with what the doctor called Basil (something) virus. Its a combination of fever, vomitting, diarrhoea and rashes. Due to the throwing up and loose stools, my body lost alot of minerals, so much so that I fainted upon entering the doctor's office.
Sunday night was a nightmare, not only was I unable to sleep, I had to attend to some midnight phone calls and SMSes, plus worry about the mocktail competition on Monday.
I felt so frail that I almost did not wish to go down to Wisma Atria for the competition, however, I could not abandon Belinda and lugged myself down in a taxi.
No doubt it was difficult to sell our drink, it was an eye opener and definitely lots of fun running around and getting caught on camera. Oh...and we were all featured on the evening news across 3 channels. However, I still don't understand how our brand new Kenwood Blender could stall during the competition.
Yesterday, something very stupid happen to a friend and I, we were on our way home from Tampines Central on 81, but lo & behold, the bus went back into the interchange, we were waiting at the wrong side all this while. ALAN! How could you forget to tell us? Hahaa. But it was a big joke of the day.
All in all, so many things are going on this month, especially Birthday Celebrations!!! Well let me wish all the May babies a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Their names are provided below for your info:
1. Chantel
2. Ailing
3. Nick
4. Alan
5. Gayna
6. Jen Peng
7. Jovi
Anyone else? Let me know if I missed your name out.
A midst all the festivities I just feel so lonely, afraid and depressed, further details are so sensitive I don't think I can write it down here.
Well, that's about all for now. Till next time...
Mundane...
Its been a long time since I last updated. Have been swarmed with alot of work. I just wonder whether I can hit my academic goals this semester.
Anyway, things have been going rather well I guess. Was given the wonderful opportunity of attending the World Gourmet Summit and going to Food & Hotel Asia. Not just as a guest but to dine and critique the Dream Team of Sheraton Towers. 'Fine foods, Great Wines, Unique Dining'
I'm just very grateful for these priveleges and promise to take responsiblity for the continued progress of the Service Ambassadors.
On more serious note, I think I would need to start exercising after attending so many Food & Beverage events. Haha...You know what I mean.
Apart from all that, worked as an admin staff and polling agent for the elections, another learning experience for me as I look forward to entering politics as a career in the distant future.
On academics now. Formed my project team with Sherry, Christabel, Alan, Jodin (for OB) and the 2 Desmonds (aka You Tiao) Haha. Sorry just had to say that. I hope that we would make a great team, with everyone contributing their God - given talent, vibrance and dynamic personality.
Good news: The Food & Beverage Managers' Association (FBMA) is looking to setting up the youth wing. Will be gearing up for elections, its going to be a heated contest with strong opponents such as SHATEC, Culinary
Institute@Sunrice and ITE. On the positive note, the formation of this new wing would open up whole avenues to wonderful learning journeys and scholarships. Look forward to it!
Well, got to go now, will share some wonderful photos in my next entry.
Till then...Au Revoir
