Primordialism Instrumentalism

The Purpose Driven Life: Friendship

To all readers of Primordialism Instrumentalism, I am officially back in Singapore after my working stint in Vietnam and a short retreat to Hong Kong.

Allow me to share with you all some of my thoughts which have been flashing through my mind the past few weeks. Upon graduation some 2 weeks back, I suddenly found myself lost, not knowing what step to take next and at the same time not being able to secure a permanent job.

I currently work for this company called Masterconsult Services as a research assistant. It is a tourism consultancy company which takes on ad - hoc projects for the Singapore Zoological Gardens, Night Safari, National Heritage Board and even overseas governments of China and Abu Dhabi. My reason for choosing this job is due to its flexibility in working hours which allows me to fit into my schedule any last appointments that I might need to attend to.

To top that off, I have been offered a job by Peter Knipp Holdings to assist in the World Gourmet Summit in April, that should pretty much tie me down for next month and after which I would need to consider a permanent part time job or start attending courses relevant to my future career.

Attended the Career Fair 2007 at SUNTEC Convention & Exhibition Center last week. It was a platform for me to catch up with some of my secondary and pre - U classmates, and it was good to see that they were all doing fine. From there, I discovered 4 options for my university education:

1) Singapore Management University

2) University of Nevada Las Vegas, BSc (Hotel Administration & MICE)

3) 2 year SIM cum IMHI at Switzerland, BA (International Hotel & Tourism Management)

4) 1 year Les Roche Hotel School in Switzerland

Apart from educational qualifications, these are the professional trainings I wish to receive:

1) Skills Certificate in Wine for Trade Professionals (6 months)

2) Professional Certificate in Golfing (2 months)

3) Certificate in Casino Management (5 months)

4) Professional Convention & Exhibition management training (unknown)

That is alot of research to be done, anyhow, you got to go all out for the best of your career.

__________________________________________________________________

Now on to the second portion of this entry, which are my thoughts after graduation.

It seems a relieve to reap the fruits of your labor after 3 years of sleepless nights and gruelling hours in front of the PC. The "unofficial graduation" or to put it in layman terms, the last day of school. Everyone has been looking forward to the day when we close the final chapter of our research thesis with the interview.

"Alright that's all I have for you. Thank you. Good bye." Sounds familiar? The statement from our lecturers which pronounces our freedom! Happiness for all??? Well I'm not sure, most definitely not in its totality for me.

The last few weekly Thurday lectures saw an unusual sight. The lecture theatres were packed to the brim to the extent you would not be able to get a seat if you did not come early. This was the first for the Hospitality & Tourism division. Lectures have always been an avenue for students to obtain additional time to do their tutorials, project research, eat, and even escaping from school early to work or engage themself in retail therapy at Tampines Central.

However, we all knew our days together were numbered and everyone did their best to catch up with 1 another. I recall having a conversation on post - poly life with my friend Alan on the North East Line after an outing. He said something which really left me pondering, "You can't keep in contact with everyone, you have to think very carefully which are the friends you want to keep in contact with."

This is very true for all of us, when you graduate, there will be only a few individuals who will keep in contact with you and become your life long friends. For some of us, polytechnic may be the 3 most formative years of our life. To be honest, from secondary school, I only have 2 friends left who truly keep in touch with me.

The other issue is on "appreciation." Has any of you actually sat down to ponder who your true friends really are? Who you can actually count on when you are in trouble? Who are those that will stay with you until the very end?

There are 3 categories of friends: casual, close and best. Have you ever wondered where you rank on your friends' list? Would any of them actually describe you as "righteous?" I've been through alot this past year, and I've come to learn not to be too intimate with anyone, love is blind and you really might find all your efforts going down the drain. This is going to make you feel rotten, dejected and many a times lose your purpose in life.

Here's a personal account, there was a friend who I came to know better a year ago, we grew closer due to the need to work together. As time went by, we started going out together, drinking, partying and just letting our hair loose. I started developing feelings for her, thinking that we clicked very well and this would be the girl of my dreams. There were even incidents when we became very intimate with each other. Aware of her family problems and financial difficulties, I promised to help her out academically and financially. However, she suddenly became very cold towards me, not replying my SMSes and just not being in contact. That time I felt very lost and confused. Could it been have something I said or did in our last outing? Surely not. The next time I saw her, she seemed very cheerful and jovial, I thought that everything was back to normal, but I was wrong. The way she treated me was different, occasionally she would just tell me off in front of others and even blame me when the job welfare was not good. I however, bottled all the pain inside me. I could not understand why someone who I gave so much for was responding in such a way.

Knowing that there were some materialistic items that she yearned for, I got hold of them on a trip to Hong Kong and gave it to her, however, with the exception of a single word "thanks" there wasn't anything more to it. I even got yelled at the next day when we worked together for a private function. Its just so hurting, when I tried to comfort her on 1 occasion when she broke down, she pushed me aside. That were nights I soiled my pillow with tears, wallowing in self pity, but all these was useless. I would need to face up to the fact and confess to her my true feelings.

I brought her and her bestfriend out for dinner and a movie since their birthdays coincided along the same month and week. However, she spent time talking to her best friend throughout the outing and treated me as if I did not even exist. She simply took all that I had done for her for granted!
When I tried to clarify some issues with her the next day, she said something which really hurt "if you feel that way, don't talk to me, I do not lose anything." Can you imagine? After you have done so much for a person they say something like that to you?

And so it continued, whenever she needed help in her studies or something else, she knew who to call. I became her panic button, and when things went well, she would just chuck me aside. Once her relative was very ill and she needed to borrow some money to finance the medical bills. In total, she borrowed about $2,000 from 4 people. At my best, I managed to lend her $200, while at the same time introducing her to some good paying jobs to help her out. She said that she would repay the money in 4 months time. However, when the time came, she said she needed more time. By then, I had already left for Vietnam for an industrial attachment. She talked about coming to see me off at the airport, but she never showed up. When I was about to enter the departure gate, I called her to find out that she had already started work and was not able to come. Not a problem with that, but she could have at least informed me that she could not make it.

When I returned and after graduation, I decided to check on the progress of the debt repayment. Late one night, I called her to ask about her financial situation, she wanted to know the reason why? I then explained to her about the $200 she owed me and CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW SHE RESPONDED???

MY GOODNESS! NO FRIEND WOULD EVER SAY SUCH A THING ESPECIALLY AFTER SOMEONE HAS LENT THEM $$$ TO HELP TIE OVER DARK TIMES.

This is what she replied, "I thought I have paid you back the money already."

This was a test which she failed and proved to me the kind of friendship and relationship which existed between the both of us. All the while she has been taking advantage and making use of me, betraying my trust and bad mouthing me behind my back. In front of me, she would say things like how much she appreciated my efforts in her heart but could not show it, and then say a few thanks and send SMSes with smileys. As if that was going to move my heart...

Such individuals are a first for me, and no word in the English Language can ever be used to describe them.

However, I will not stoop to her level to get back at her for what she has done. Why should I? It will just be a waste of my time, money and effort and in the end look like an uncouth, unruly, ungracious, unpresumptious, deplorable and excricable person.

I got back my money in the end. From that day forth, I have never spoken to her a single word, nor contacting her for any jobs, nor will I lend a helping hand should she need it.

I read an article the other day about the 'joys of singlehood.' Not having a partner would give you more time to hang out with your buddies for all those late nights at Clarke Quay, extra $$$ on hand, and of course no need to account to anyone except your parents.

I am sure those of you who have been involved in a broken relationship will be able to identify with me. For those who have had a happy relationship, God bless you always! =)

Well, as we call it a day, take some time when you're alone on the bus, MRT or even in the restroom, truly analysing these 2 inter - related topics of friendship & appreciation. You might discover many new insights which you have overlooked.

Feel free to post any comments to further discuss these issues, or give me a buzz if you're feeling the same way, down and out. I've gone through it once and would be more than willing to lend a listening ear to your problems.

Thank you and good night.

posted by Primordialism Instrumentalism @ 7:00 AM